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I can't believe my debut is already a week from tomorrow! These past few weeks went by sooo fast, and I'm finally glad it's the weekend. 

I'm leaving for Santa Maria tonight, AGAIN.  I know i know, im ashamed to admit that I'm going only to spend time with Jordan since I won't be able spend ANY time with him during the weekend of my debut.  Even though I'll be up in SM,  that doesn't mean I get to relax.  School has been so stressful lately, especially since I have Friday classes.  I stayed up studying like crazy for my Psychology test, and I have no idea how I did.  At the end of the class the professor reveals the answers.  I usually stay after to write them down, but I just wanted to get out of there as fast as I can and hurry home to relax.  Then I have a midterm on Tuesday, and another exam on Friday =/ So ill pretty much be studying the whooole time I'm in Santa Maria because I can NEVER concentrate in this house! I get distracted soo easily, and especially since I dont have any doors, its hard to get any privacy.  Last night I had to study while my brother was playing his Xbox blasting the speaking off the TV.  Ugharama!

Okay, so as for my FUZE diet....Norman, my sister, and I went to this track in cerritos to go running.  I love running in the outdoors.  I'm not much of a runner, but there's a big difference between running outside than on a treadmill.  I used to run on the treadmill all the time, until I got too to even go to the gym.  Even though I cheat here and there during my diet, my appetite has changed A LOT.  I would eat a protein bar once in awhile and drink tons of water. I don't wanna say I starve myself, its just that when I get hungry, I just down as much FUZE or water as I can and gets me full in no time.  I used to be able to eat 2 double-doubles with fries at In-n-out, and now I can barely finish a small sandwich.  I get full so quickly, and I'm proud of myself.  I'm gonna try and keep this up even AFTER my debut.  I really should stop eating junk food cause I can just feel my arteries getting clogged up.  I wanna live past the age 30 at least! Well yeah, I'm still not in the shape where I wanna be, so I guess we'll see if i could do it or not.  I always get tempted to get in n out when im in SM cuz all my friends work there! I wanna start a whole new lifestyle of eating, but its hard!

Well, I guess I should start getting ready.  It wont take me that long to get ready since all I'm bringing are my PJ's, books, laptop, and uhhh im not sure. 

Ate Jenna: Make sure puumba doesn't take any of my clothes or my stuff!

Roomie: Have fun tonight (since you don't have work) and at Disneyland tomorrow!

Tomorrow is going to be a whole new start.  I know I've been saying I'll lose weight, do my work, finish up my debut planning and blah blah blah, but I thought about it and so far I've gotten absolutely NO WHERE. I really need to get my priorities straight because I have been the biggest procrastinator on this damn earth.  It makes me mad because all I ever do is complain about it.  I have to realize that I'm not at home anymore, and I'm on my own (kinda).  Either way, it's still a really big step for me.  Jordan and I were talking about it, and he said he's never met anyone so spoiled =/ He said he didn't mean for it to come out in a bad way, but it was the truth.  I wasn't mad or anything, but it made me realize that i am spoiled.  He's the only guy/ person that really puts up with me, and I'm SUCH a bitch to him.  To some it may not seem like it, but I give him a lot of shit for absolutely nothing..because I can.  That's how I've been with every other guy I was with, but he's the only one that had the actual balls to really say it to me.  So this whole day made me think that I should stop "loppin' " around and actually do something. So here's the gameplan for tomorrow:

1. Wake up early to go running in the morning to start my day.  (I used to go running every morning in Santa Maria with my horse/dog Sushi.) Studies showed that running in the outdoors relieve more stress rather than running on a treadmill.

2. Start the FUSE diet.  My sister and I bought these FUSE bottles that hold 5 calories.  That's what I'm going to be living off of for the past week and a half until my debut. This ties in with me running every morning.

3. After class I'm coming straight home to clean my room and do some laundry.  I can't remember when's the last time I did laundry and I'm starting to run out of clothes to wear. I hate having a messy room, but I just havent tooken the initiative to start cleaning it because of my laziness.

4. Once my room and everything around me is clean, then that is when I can start doing my homework and actually study.  I can't stand studying or doing my homework in a messy/ dirty environment.  I get too disgusted so i end up just leaving me stuff out and never finish it up. 

5. By the end of the night, I can finally and MAYBE go to sleep a little earlier than I have been.  I haven't had a decent amount of sleep in the past few weeks which is causing me to break out.  Breaking out and getting fat is definitely NOT a good thing for me since my debut is coming up.

Speaking of my debut, I was telling my friend Gabby that I don't even care if I have fun or not.  All I want is for everyone to have a great time.  Thats the only thing I'm mostly worried about right now.  My biggest fear is for the people to be bored and not paying attention to anything going on.  However, my mom IS paying big money for all the decorations and extra stuff.  There's going to be a big sign that says HOLLYWOOD, a red carpet, a walk of fam with all my close family and friends names, etc.  My mom said that she's not gonna have anyone walk in as soon as they get there, but have the crowd be waiting outside so they can all enter at the same time.  There's gonna be film strips and bright lights surrounding the whole room.  I'm also even giving away Oscar Award Trophies to winners of certain categories.  There's just so much to do that I can't handle everything.  I've been stressing over so many things that it's causing me to break out and wanna eat when im not hungry =( Talk about unhealthy mix, right? Whatever. As soon as I get outta my lazy stage, I'll be fine again.

In the meantime...its October 14 @ 12:20am...which meeeeansss...just 9 more days until my "boithday"! ahh i'm getting so excited! I'm not even expecting anything from anyone or my parents.  I just want that day to go "poifect" =) Have a great evening...Gnight

(Dear Jowee: I'm definitely NOT becoming a lil sis. I regret ever thinking about the idea in the first place lol. and ronnie is a girl, but I do know a ron in TDB though. As for PASA, i've already had a giant smoke session with them and roomie lol.)

(Dear Lani: I seriously was considering about starting Kelsey's sorority since its in connection with Jared's frat. Well this Jordan guy is different lol. We started talking right after me and Jesse. Jesse is the one you met at my house haha..oh and Jordan's the first black guy ive ever talked to and so far so good lol..I, for sure, grew out of my whiteboy stage lol )

Thursday - Enrique invited me to party with a few people in the apartments across from school.  Me and roomie ended up riding together because it'd be pointless if we drive separately lol. Right when me and Enrique were about to play a good game of beer pong, the party got busted at 11:43! Me and the rest of the Hustler Fam ended up going to Sheila and Selyna's house.  We pretty much just left everyone else while they all went to Reggie's.  Talk about Life of the Party because everyone kept calling for us to go over.  We were PLANNING on going, but instead we had a giant smoke session in the room.  To most people, smoking an eighth is a lot.  Obviously, not to me and Tammy.  I felt like i was back in Santa Maria because they kept playing old school songs like Biggie, Bone thugs, etc.

Friday - I woke up still feeling a little high so I went back to sleep. After class I went to the Brea Mall with a couple people.  So we're eating in the food court, and all of a sudden this girl starts crying soooo loud.  We didn't know what was going on, but I guess it was because her boyfriend was breaking up with her LOL! it was hilarious! It reminded me of Legally Blonde when she thought her bf was gonna propose, when really he broke up with her.   Ugharama that made my day.  Then I came home and took the best nap ever.  Later that night I went to Irvine because my friend Sean came to visit.  We ate at CPK and went back to the apartment for a few games of flip cup.  The beer was making me tired so I decided to go home and end my night a little early. 

Welllll, I'm not sure if I should still go to Ronnie's debut. Ive been really lazy all day and it feels really good.  I just wanna lay in bed and not do anything.  Later on I think I might go to Irvine and go on a hot air balloon.  I'm nervous because I've never gone on one before. So we'll see how that goes tonight.

Wow I haven't tabbed in so long, so here I go.

This past weekend I went back home and hungout with Jordan again.  I was gonna tell him that I wanted to stop talking, but after being with him for awhile we ended up getting really close.  I hate that.  I'm trying so hard not to like him.  Like, I want us to stop talking but at the same time I don't.  I moved out here for a reason and I hate going back to Santa Maria.  Especially since I've been going home A LOT.  I guess im just gonna go with the flow.

Last week Enrique asked me if I was gonna do the Ate/Kuya program for PASA.  I told him no cause i wasn't really interested and didn't really know what it was.  He told me to just sign up because it was a good way in getting close to somone and I could be part of a family.  So he made me fill out this form and he turned it in for me.  On Tuesday, after my classes, we ended up smoking out and it felt soooooo nice.  Then yesterday was the revealing and what do you know? Enrique is now my Kuya, which makes me part of the HUSTLER family =) I guess everyone knew Enrique was gonna be my Kuya except for me lol.  So after the revealing, the Ate's and Kuya's gave their cute lil presents to their Adings.  I had the best present cuz Enrique smoked me out hahaha. I guess it was just fate. Oh and another thing is that I only met Enrique through TDB at Hooters.  He was the only bro that I stayed close to after I told them that I didn't wanna do it anymore.  I thought that was kinda shady of them cuz they only talked to me cuz I was planning on joining. Thank God that I stopped tho. I didn't know what I was thinking lol

This week went by extremely fast.  I mean, it's already gonna be friday tomorrow! I'm so excited for this weekend, but I dont know what Im gonna do yet.  There's ronnie's debut on Saturday, but its at Glendale. I asked Joy if i could ride with her cuz i really didn't wanna drive over there, but then she asks if I wanna drive.  Thats kinda the reason why I don't wanna go.  All because I dont wanna drive.  If i drive, then I'm definitely not gonna wanna drive and its not like Joy drinks anyway.  I guess we'll see.  Then Enrique told me that I should join and party with everyone this weekend because it's a good way to bond with my fellow Hustlers.  So i'm pretty much leaning towards that right now.  Especially since I'm not even that close to ronnie and I dont really know anyone else going =/

Sooo, just 14 days until my birthday! and 16 until my debut! I guess SCION NIGHT is on my birthday so everyone is persuading me to go with them since I have a Scion.  I honestly don't care what I do for my birthday, just as long as I get really drunk or fucked up.  I'll still have after my debut, but I wanna do something on my actual birthday =) I'm not even expecting anything from anyone either.  My debut and turning 18 is good enough for me.  I'm FINALLY gonna be 18. I've felt so young compared to ALL my friends because they're already turning 20 when I barely turn 18. Oh well...I'm just really excited

I've had this blond in my hair for about a couple months now and I'm really getting tired of it.  Jordan says he likes it, but who cares what he thinks lol jk.  So tonight I'm dying my hair back to black.  I've always wanted it black again, I just didn't know when I should do it again.  I like having my hair all one color and I think highlights are way too overrated.  It's just gonna feel weird for me because I'm not used to dying my hair in a tight space and small bathroom.  I'm used to my big ass room, giant mirrors, and my own double sink bathroom.  *sigh*. I think that's why it takes me a longer time to get ready now because I don't have the space that I'm used to.  Even worse, I don't even have doors!

Well yesterday was the first day I attempted to try the lemonade diet.  I was so proud of myself, until my brother convinced me to start when it gets closer to my debut.  I just think he wanted me to buy him McDonalds at 2 in the morning because he was hungry.  "I'll buy if you fly" is the quote that ALWAYS end falling for.  So today I tried doing it again, but I saw these chocolate chip/oatmeal cookies from trader joes and I couldn't help but to eat one..maybe two..okay I lost count. But they were good!

I'm just ready to just give up on diets, but I'm never gonna lose weight by not controlling what I eat.  The biggest motivation I have right now is my debut.  I don't wanna go through my debut knowing that I'm a size 6! I mean, I don't mind being a size 4, but 6? That's a little overboard for my height.  Another reason why I wanna lose weight so much is because when I went shopping at The Block with my sister, the jeans that I was trying on couldnt even go passed my thighs =( That's depressing right there.  I ended up buying the jeans, just in a different size. 

Well, I'm off to get started on my hair. Toodles! (lol)